Unlocking the Mystery of Private School Financial Aid: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Process -Some Helpful Information From Ryan Abramson at Oakridge Leaders - A 25 Year Financial Aid Veteran

It’s that time of year when many parents ask me about financial aid. Their sons or daughters (sometimes both!) are preparing to explore private high schools, and mom and dad need to figure out what they can afford. After more than a quarter of a century listening to stories, helping families find a good fit, and even facing the hard reality that some things are not possible, the general comments are always the same:

• We moved into this school district because it has great schools. We pay enormous taxes. Now our son/daughter wants to go to private school.

• We’ve saved for college, but not for high school. Do we use that money now and hope for a scholarship later?

• The website says tuition is $15,000, but my neighbor says they only pay $5,000. How do I get that deal?

The list could go on for pages. Ultimately, understanding the financial aid landscape is your best tool for achieving the best results.

No one ever said, "Ryan Abramson, this is how you manage financial aid." Many schools do a great job of explaining how to apply for financial aid, but they rarely give you the context to understand the entire process. In fact, during my 25 years as a financial aid professional, I never had any formal professional development on how to communicate about financial aid. I learned over time by tracking my successes and learning (sometimes the hard way) from my mistakes.

Here are some helpful things to better understand private school financial aid.

How Do I Apply?

Every private, religious, or independent school in the United States that offers financial aid usually uses one of a few software programs to help distribute money. The most popular are Clarity, SSS, TADS, and FACTS. The landscape of this software changes frequently as companies merge products to create a more seamless experience for schools and parents, but they all essentially aim to do the same thing. What’s important to know is that these programs do not communicate with one another. While many schools use similar programs, that doesn’t mean all the schools you’re interested in use the same program.

Teaching Moment: Never assume that the schools you’re applying to use the same financial aid program—even if they use the same program for application submission. It’s very common to make this mistake and then discover later in the process that you didn’t submit a financial aid application to every school. This can result in receiving reduced or no aid.

How Does it Work - What Ryan Abramson has learned?

If you’ve been through the college application process, you’ll already have a general idea of how this works. The software uses a proprietary algorithm to calculate the amount of money your family can contribute to tuition each year. Schools have some flexibility in what gets counted for or against you in this calculation.

In broad terms, the calculation considers your income, assets, and savings to determine how much you can pay per year in tuition. It will also take into account other children in tuition-paying schools, reasonable sources of debt (such as a primary mortgage or student loans), the cost of living, and any other credits given by the school.

Credits can vary greatly from school to school. For example, some schools provide credit for a parent’s retirement account, meaning the calculation doesn’t assume you’ll liquidate these funds to pay tuition. Other schools don’t give credit for these funds and expect you to use them for tuition. This is why the aid you receive from one school can differ significantly from what you get from another, even if they use the same software.

Different software programs may call it different things, but in the end, the calculation provides the school with your estimated tuition cost. For high-income families, this typically means paying full tuition. For families facing significant economic challenges, this could mean your estimated cost is zero.

How Does the School Determine My Financial Aid?

Every school has an internal method for determining financial aid. Some may be very objective—every family within a certain calculation pays X. Some schools use a sliding scale: if your income is X, you pay Y. However, most schools take a more subjective approach, and this is where things can get tough to understand.

Only a small number of independent schools across the country can take a completely objective approach. Their resources allow for extreme selectivity and a need-blind approach to enrollment. The vast majority of schools are tuition-driven, with limited sources of income, and focus on full enrollment with the highest net tuition revenue. In other words, they aim to enroll as many qualified students as possible while getting them to pay as much as they can afford. Remember, behind the missions, flashy buildings and innovative programs, private schools are still businesses, with employees and bills to pay. This is not meant to minimize the great things being done in private schools everyday, but having a clear perspective can help you understand all the considerations going on behind the scenes.

By way of example, schools may prioritize:

• Academic excellence (usually in the form of merit scholarships)

• Athletic ability (sometimes categorized as "financial aid")

• Diversity (racial, ethnic, geographic, economic, etc.)

• Feeder schools or feeder programs

• The ability of a family to meet their financial obligations throughout enrollment lifecycle. (Can you pay tuition for one year or twelve?)

How Can You Get the Best Deal Possible?

First and foremost, be honest.

In today’s culture, it might seem counterintuitive to be honest when entering what you see as a negotiation, but a good financial aid professional can sniff out a lie quickly.

Here are some example (intentionally wild) scenarios:

• You claim you have no income, but you live in a $1 million home with no lien or eviction notices. So, how are you paying the taxes? You likely either (A) lied or (B) own a business, and the business owns everything.

• During your child’s admissions interview, the interviewer asks, “What did you do all summer?” Your child responds, “Oh, we have a beach house. I spent the summer there.” Yet your financial aid application doesn’t mention a beach house. Now, I don’t trust any of your information.

• You say you live paycheck to paycheck but own luxury cars, a boat, and an RV. That’s hard to justify when asking for money.

OK, some of that was meant to be humorous, but you get the point. Financial aid professionals are part investigator, part artist, and part accountant. The good news is that if you’re honest, communicate clearly, and genuinely want your child to attend the school, a solution can often be found to make it work - or at least part ways with an fair understanding of why it did not.

Where Does “Financial Aid” Actually Come From?

As I mentioned before, only a tiny number of schools have the resources to be need-blind and help every family. Most schools must use their available dollars to assist as many families as possible while still balancing their overall budget.

Most schools use a mix of fundraising dollars, income from endowment or funded scholarships (where some source of income pays your tuition for you), and internal budgeting to provide aid. Internal budgeting simply means you’re receiving a tuition discount—there’s no actual money covering what you aren’t paying.

What Does It All Mean?

If you’re like me, you can get the ingredients and instructions to bake a cake, yet the final product looks nothing like the picture in the cookbook. So, how do you use this information to your advantage?

Just as you need to be honest on your financial aid application, you need to be honest with yourself. If a school costs $55,000 and you make $2 million a year, you shouldn’t expect financial aid. Likewise, if tuition is $25,000 a year and you earn $200,000, you might qualify—or you might not—depending on how the school defines need and how much money they have available to either give or discount.

Avoid treating this as a negotiation. Instead, establish a clear framework to determine what you can afford. Once you’ve heard from the financial aid office, this preparation will allow you to have a fact-based conversation and, hopefully, make it possible to enroll. The most helpful conversations I had over the years were with families who literally showed me how they would manage to pay a certain amount each month. While it may feel intrusive to share your personal finances, remember that financial aid professionals deal with these discussions regularly, and nothing is ever shared outside the process.

Key Takeaways:

• Be honest throughout the process—with the school, on your application, and with yourself.

• No two families are exactly alike. Just because you heard something from someone else doesn’t mean you’re getting the whole story. Sometimes, you may be hearing something completely inaccurate. Stick to your story when discussing aid with the school.

• Not every school can help you as much as you need, think you need, or feel you deserve. Be prepared to pay more than you’d like, and be mentally ready to make that decision.

• Remember, you’re entering the world of tuition-charging schools because you want the resources, experiences, and attention they provide. That comes at a cost. See tuition as an investment in your child’s future, not just an immediate return.

It’s time to start visiting schools, meeting students and teachers, and preparing to apply for the 2025-2026 school year. Good luck!

About the Author: Ryan Abramson was an independent school enrollment and financial aid professional for twenty-five years and helped thousands of families successfully navigate the financial aid process.

A Whisper to the Reader: There are thousands of private schools in the United States and many have unique circumstances that determine their individual financial aid policies. This blog is to provide a broad background on the basics. Make sure you ask questions of specific schools to make yourself as informed as you can be and understand their philosophy on tuition support. Admission, enrollment and financial aid professionals got into the profession because they are people-people. Ask questions!

Oakridge Leaders is a Langhorne, PA communications and marketing consulting service founded by Ryan Abramson, specializing in brand marketing, leadership development, communication skills, and professional growth. Oakridge Leaders provides personalized coaching to organizations, professionals, students, and athletes, helping them build confidence and master the art of effective and authentic communication.